Grief and Dealing

So...here is my second post...apparently I am not good at this cuz it has been awhile. But a lot has happened in the past few months. Besides my own personal tribulations, my best friend had a massive one. This girl means the world to me and we had been out of contact for a few months(thanks to my own stubborness) but i got a text from her on a Saturday night. It was confusing to me a first the way she put it but to the point her finace'/boyfriend had died in a car accident. I didn't know what to do or even to say besides I am sorry! But the moment she told me I think my own heart personally shattered.

It has been almost 2 weeks now since it happened. I have tried to text, call, and even facebook her and I never get any responses. I know she is struggling massively and probably doesn't want to talk. I just don't know what to do at all. We live a couple of hours apart and all I want to do is run and hold her. I can't imagine how she feels. I know she hurts and I want to be there to help her so bad. I have never dealt with death or any of it. I am in a brand new world here.

But I guess the main problem here is that I am afraid my best friend is gone. Will this break her and she will run from anything in the past? Will my best friend ever turn to me again? I guess I took it all for granted. Now what if she gone for good? I can't lose my best friend. I mean I literally talk to this girl about EVERYTHING! I am pretty sure I have let her know I would be there in a moments notice. Does that me she will turn to me though? What if she doesn't have the strength to ask for help?

I have so many thoughts running threw my head these days. I could type for days but it probably wouldn't make any sense but it feels good to get part of it out!

First one

So..this is my first time doing this blog deal! I don't consider myself much of a writer..not very creative! But what the heck i will give it a shot. Maybe I can get some random thoughts out of my head and figure some stuff out about life in general.

I have had this thing lately with what is life really about? Is it having the perfect family, job, and husband? Or is it being single, traveling, and doing the things one truly enjoys? Are some people destined to be single? Are some destined to get married and the picket fence? I assume that is that many have this same question about life.

I am still trying to figure out. One moment I want the family and all but the next I love being free! I yearn for the freedom. At the same time, I want the kids and the other small joys life. I want to do what I want to do when I feel like doing it. Does that mean I don't want a family or any type of "tie-downs"? Or can one find that happiness in the perfect relationship? To weight it all would take(most likely) centuries. I keep expecting the answer just to hit me square in the face one day. I am positive one day it will happen for me! :)